Monday, September 5, 2016

College.... AGAIN!

I've talked about returning to school for a few years. Each time that I made the decision to go back something came up, something changed, marriages, divorce, job loss, health. You name it! Ten years ago I started my college journey, eight years ago I obtained my Associate Degree and due to a new marriage took a break from school. I returned while I lived in Arizona and took yet another break due to my divorce. I was really ready a couple years back to return to school but with kids, cheer, travel, job changes I just couldn't commit to myself to return.

Today, I finished week three! Two months ago I enrolled in my Bachelor of Psychology Program and committed that this time I am doing it! The first week back was almost a slap in the face. Of course I thought I knew what I was doing, yadi yadi yada. I thought hey it's like riding a bike, I did it once before, I've got this. Well, there was lots to relearn.

Everyday in class I learn something new. A new resource, tool, book, and lately I have learned a lot more about myself. One of my classes is Becoming a Mastery Student; I wasn't thrilled about what I thought was going to be a useless class. I will totally admit it - I WAS WRONG!!!! This class has tested and shown me my learning style, strengths and weaknesses and how to change weaknesses into strengths. It's also helped with some of the basics like how to write an APA Paper, correct in-text citation and reference pages. All which will be useful in my future classes and much in my everyday life.

While I like a new challenge from time to time I feel that this is going to be one of my greatest challenges. There's a lot going on in life, much to focus on, much to be distracted by. I've decided it's about time management, quality of life and figuring out my future. The struggle is REAL but it is GOOD!

Everything happens for a reason right? It's time to start writing new chapters to my story. It's time for me.

Guess who's expecting?

Life is full of unexpected changes and moments that we will cherish for a lifetime.

Just a few short weeks ago I found out that my baby girl is expecting a baby in February.

While I am over the moon excited for her and what life has in store, as I mom I am so nervous for this new adventure she is beginning. It's an everyday struggle being so far away from her and now missing her first doctors appointments, ultrasounds, maternity clothes shopping, you know... all of those wonderful joyful moments that mothers share with their daughter's as they are preparing to become a new mommy.

Through all of those inner struggles I have, I remind myself to "Be Strong" as she has one of the most amazing support systems a mother could ask for for their child. She is surrounded by so many people who may not be blood but have provided her stronger "family" ties than I could have provided myself. Alexys lives with friends of mine that I met about ten years ago; Laura and Randy are perfect examples of what a strong relationship, marriage and support system looks like and wonderful examples to my daughter.



In addition, she has this guy and his family plus lots of dear cheer family friends. Tonight while talking to Alexys she told me that three years ago today was her second day of school, it was also the day that she met Jordan. Who knew that just one month later they would start to write the story of the rest of their lives....  Jordan's family is yet another amazing example of what love and family is all about. They have  been so amazing to my sweet girl from the start.

While I didn't plan on being a grandmother at age 35 I couldn't have asked for a better gift for 2017. Absolutely everything happens for a reason. Three years ago these two met and started their story and exactly five months from today they are starting their family.

I can't wait to see what story they write. I am so grateful to be Alexys' Mom and can't wait to be this little nuggets grammy! Before anyone asks, nope they aren't engaged and they are okay with that. In due time they will find the right time, moment and place to write their story their own way.

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Parenting

Sorry Peeps - I so have not blogged in forever. Today's post is really simple - it was far too long to be a Facebook Post and I happen to be home ill so actually had time to write it.

Today I was informed that my "friends" have had multiple conversations regarding my parenting style and how I have failed my children. Of course due to who spewed this information I can't decide whether it is idol gossip or conversations that really happened while I wasn't around. Mind you I no longer live in Oregon and haven't for going on 10 months but obviously it was important enough for someone to challenge and question so why not talk about this right!?!?

First and foremost, my parenting is really no ones business! Now that I've gotten that out there. Last year was one of the most difficult years of my life. No matter how much I struggled, how many applications I put out in the world and temp jobs I took life for me just wasn't working out in Oregon.

Each family and each child goes through their own trials and tribulations. Ours was I'm sure not totally unique and as a single mom I did absolutely everything to give each of my children the most of the world that I possibly could while putting myself and my needs aside. Chandler, bless his heart, knew that Oregon wasn't home. He knew that he needed his Church Family, his youth group and the amazing men at City Church Utah. While I didn't want him to leave his sister and I in Oregon this was his decision and I fully supported it. I am over the moon grateful to my parents for allowing him to live with them over the summer and while their faith is much stronger in a different religion I love that they supported him by taking him to youth groups over the summer and my sister-in-law was there for him on Sunday's ensuring he made it to services. In this time my son had a unique opportunity to grow in his faith and I couldn't be prouder of the amazing young man he has become.

All the while I was attempting to make life still work for Alexys and I in Oregon. Reality check, it wasn't working. No matter how hard I tried. There is no worse feeling in the world than the one where you feel that you have let your children down, that you have failed at being a mother, a parent. After much conversation I was constantly plagued with the reality of having to choose between which child I was going to be with and support this year. Please, if you have a real answer feel free to insert it here________________________. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

After a lot of prayer and pleading with God for answers I was offered a position in Utah with the company I had left to move to Oregon. The pay was no where close to what I had been making, actually it was an eight dollar an hour pay cut but it was an income. One that would allow me to possibly get back on my feet. Let me tell you, I may have a smile on my face and post unicorns and rainbows on Facebook but yes I am still struggling every single day to get back on my feet. This past year has in not so many words STUNK!

On to my amazing daughter. When I made the choice that I needed to move back to Utah, for a brief second she wanted to go with me, she didn't want to be off in the world on her own, she didn't want to be without her mom and brother, on her own in the world without her family. She was reminded by Jordan (her amazing boyfriend) that she over a few years had created a new life in Oregon and that she was surrounded by the Grenfell family who thought of her as their own and a gym family that loved and adored her. Alexys didn't want to let her coaches down, her team down or herself down. Alexys was at a point ten months ago where she was living out all of her dreams (secretly she was living out all of my dreams for her too). She made the decision to stay in Oregon for her senior year, to finish out the Child Services Program that she had already invested two years into, to continue to be an amazing role model at the After School and Summer Program that she helped with year after year and finally it is all paying off! Last week it was announced that Alexys will be a Youth Coach!!!! I seriously couldn't be more proud of my baby girl and all of her hard work to get to the places she wants to be in the world.

So back to my parenting style and those judging it. Yes, I have fully supported my children in absolutely every way possible and even to my own financial detriment and I would do it all over again! Am I a bad parent for supporting my children in shooting for the stars? Or maybe for supporting them in every single way possible? Yes this past year has been a challenge, yes I had to make a choice between my children, I had to choose the younger of the two that still needs help being guided in what they want for their future but don't think that I haven't been on the phone every single day with my daughter hearing the good and the bad. I have spent money I didn't have flying her back and forth and providing her every single bit of help I could. I am only human. I am only one person. I was blessed with two amazing children and have done nothing but try to help them both make an impact, a footprint on this world that will matter one day. I never woke up thinking - darn I want to do this child raising thing on my own! I was blessed for eight years to have had an amazing man that my children refer to as dad by my side but life happens. I am grateful everyday that he continues to have a great relationship with our children however the financial support is and has always been on me. I'm sorry to those who don't get it, who don't understand that I have always simply done my best. Until you have walked a mile in my shoes - you'll never understand the challenges or struggles I have faced to ensure that my children's wants, hopes, dreams and desires are and have always been met.

To all of you who may or may not have chosen to gossip. If you have questions regarding my parenting I hope you have a better understanding now and if you don't feel free to ask. All I can do every single day is pray and hope for the absolute best lives that are met for my children.

Sometimes - The Grass IS NOT Greener on the other side. Just saying!