Saturday, February 23, 2013


FAITH is like the wind, 

You can't see it

But you know it is there. 

I have been questioned about my faith many of times. I am questioned as to why I give God so much credit for the great things in my life, finances, children, blessings, etc.  So first to get things out of the way, financially I have to thank Paul, because of the long hours he puts in with few days off ever I have been able to meet my financial obligations. Because of his dedication to his career we were able to move to Arizona, purchase and sell a home which has enabled me to meet my monthly expenses so far.

Putting that aside, I believe that through Faith I can do anything. I am a Christian and I believe in God. I believe that through the power of prayer great things happen. I also believe that I am never alone; I believe that God has his arms wrapped around me all the time, he is all knowing and always there for me. My faith in God and prayer are the intangible things that have gotten me through the last few months. I have seen the power of prayer work in my life, I have seen when I give it to God and let his will be done that my life seems to fall into place and life happens as he has it planned out for me. 

With all of that said, I believe that everything happens for a reason. Life works out the way it is meant to be. I reflect on my past and realize that I have been the happiest and noticeably so when I allow God and faith to lead my life. I have overcome what seemed to be some of the most impossible situations and yes I give that credit to God for watching over me and leading me in the right directions in life, for showing me the greatness this life has to offer. 

For the last couple of months I have struggled trying to settle in back here in Utah, trying to help the kids adjust to a new and different way of life. It has been a very humbling experience. After two months of searching for a new career I was blessed with many interviews over the last couple of weeks and have accepted a new position as a Benefit Coordinator. I have dealt with Medicaid in the past and many personal health insurance companies but not at this level. I am excited for this new adventure and am excited for the many challenges I already for see for myself in this new career but for me what is most exciting is knowing that through faith and hard work I will be able to overcome obstacles and challenges and I will look back and giggle at the nervousness I have now. 


Today I reflect on how blessed my life has been and is going to be. I am grateful for new opportunities. I am also grateful for the humbling experiences I have had and am sure I will have more of in the future. Through each challenge I face I remember that each struggle or challenge from my past has created the person I am and chose to be now. One challenge that is a hard pill to swallow is the reality that I will not be as available for my children. I am really going to miss being a stay at home mom and I am sure my children will miss it to. Working full time and being a full time student and single mother are going to be major challenges, I am sure we as a family will struggle however I have faith that it will all work out and I have faith that when I am not at my children's side that God will be and knowing that gives me great comfort. 

Okay, so here's another super religious rambling post. Just love me and know that when I blog I blog from the heart and I blog about those things that way heaviest on my mind and heart. I am grateful for amazing children, great friends, family, a place to call home, and a new career. I am blessed to have such great people in my life; past, present and future. Night. 

Monday, February 11, 2013

Weekend Update/Friends

I saw this on Facebook yesterday and really felt that I had to share it. But I didn't just want to hit that lovely share button so I decided I would blog with the saying instead. I really feel that sometimes you hear, see or experience what you need to in the time that you need to most. This weekend was another one of those weekends where God just really spoke to me through others.

This weekend we were blessed to be able to go and watch a friend be baptized at church and then later invited to share an afternoon with the same family. This weekend was one of the first that felt like an every day normal weekend. I wasn't consumed with loneliness or anger and was able to truly enjoy a weekend with my children. Friday night we had a "Cheer Movie Marathon" and watch all four of the Bring It On movies. So good! Saturday we woke up and just had family time, and later enjoyed the company of great friends.

Seeing the above photo saying really reminded me that family is the close friends you really share life with. The people who call with concern when they haven't heard from you, show up when you are having a bad day, offer to help without even having to be asked. They are the people who know who you really are, the ones you don't have to put the "life is good" mask on for and the ones who see through the fake smile you put on your face or in the tone of your voice. I have come to greatly appreciate the importance of the friends of mine that I consider to be my family. You know who you are and thank you for being there for me in some of my darkest days, for listening to me go on and on and on and on, for offering advice and for telling me when I am being absolutely unreasonable.

Friday, February 8, 2013

Parenting My Children

Parenting has got to hands down be one of the hardest things to do.

I truly love my children with all of my heart and am extremely overprotective of both of them. No mother wants to see their child with heartache, heartbreak, or hurt feelings. And if you are like me.... when you do see your child in this position you totally want to verbally attack the person or persons that have hurt them or are involved. I have learned to ask, "Do you want me to talk to them?" Because I want my children to know that I am there to protect them at the same time I want them to be able to fight their own battles too. Neither is easy to do. I love that my kids can come to me when things are bothering them, for advice and when their feelings are hurt. 

Everyday I feel that I wake up and live my life attempting to model the behaviors I would like my children to emulate; I am NOT perfect - thank goodness! I have my moments of: Do as I say and not what I do. We teach our children the golden rules like treat adults with respect, treat others as you would like to be treated, kill them with kindness and so on and then they become teenagers and can see the world in a different realm altogether. That is when they feel like they are always right and life is still so not fair. I want my children to become happy, healthy, productive young people; I want them to make good choices, stand up for themselves and for what they know is right, I want them to know that their feelings matter and that NO One has the right to tear them down or make them feel less than.

One of the hardest parts of parenting for me is that when they hurt I hurt too. As much as I try to help stear both of them into directions and away from people who are, or have hurt them I have to respect their feelings and simply stand back and wait until it's time to help pick up the pieces and wipe their tears again. But I hate that they have to experience that hurt. I wish I could protect them from the negativity in people, in their lives and in this world but I can't shield them from it all, no matter how hard I try. That hurts.

I believe that no one is perfect.  I believe in second chances. I believe that I have raised my children to understand both of these beliefs. I try to see the good in all things and all people and I try to be an uplifting positive person.  BUT... of course there had to be a but in there... I am so tired of people in my children's lives thinking it is okay to hurt them, to hurt their feelings, to make them feel less than or unimportant. Everyday we wake up with a choice in how our day will go, who we interact with, how we will treat others and what will affect our lives. I just wish those who claim that they want to be there for my children or be a part of their lives would think about those things, think before making empty promises or plans. 

Okay, that was enough rambling and venting... I don't know that any of it even made me feel better. I am just tired of looking like the bad guy when I am trying so hard to do what is best for them. I love them so much and it just hurts so bad when they are hurting.

FUTURE POST TO LOOK FORWARD TO: Alexys getting her permit!