Monday, September 5, 2016

College.... AGAIN!

I've talked about returning to school for a few years. Each time that I made the decision to go back something came up, something changed, marriages, divorce, job loss, health. You name it! Ten years ago I started my college journey, eight years ago I obtained my Associate Degree and due to a new marriage took a break from school. I returned while I lived in Arizona and took yet another break due to my divorce. I was really ready a couple years back to return to school but with kids, cheer, travel, job changes I just couldn't commit to myself to return.

Today, I finished week three! Two months ago I enrolled in my Bachelor of Psychology Program and committed that this time I am doing it! The first week back was almost a slap in the face. Of course I thought I knew what I was doing, yadi yadi yada. I thought hey it's like riding a bike, I did it once before, I've got this. Well, there was lots to relearn.

Everyday in class I learn something new. A new resource, tool, book, and lately I have learned a lot more about myself. One of my classes is Becoming a Mastery Student; I wasn't thrilled about what I thought was going to be a useless class. I will totally admit it - I WAS WRONG!!!! This class has tested and shown me my learning style, strengths and weaknesses and how to change weaknesses into strengths. It's also helped with some of the basics like how to write an APA Paper, correct in-text citation and reference pages. All which will be useful in my future classes and much in my everyday life.

While I like a new challenge from time to time I feel that this is going to be one of my greatest challenges. There's a lot going on in life, much to focus on, much to be distracted by. I've decided it's about time management, quality of life and figuring out my future. The struggle is REAL but it is GOOD!

Everything happens for a reason right? It's time to start writing new chapters to my story. It's time for me.

Guess who's expecting?

Life is full of unexpected changes and moments that we will cherish for a lifetime.

Just a few short weeks ago I found out that my baby girl is expecting a baby in February.

While I am over the moon excited for her and what life has in store, as I mom I am so nervous for this new adventure she is beginning. It's an everyday struggle being so far away from her and now missing her first doctors appointments, ultrasounds, maternity clothes shopping, you know... all of those wonderful joyful moments that mothers share with their daughter's as they are preparing to become a new mommy.

Through all of those inner struggles I have, I remind myself to "Be Strong" as she has one of the most amazing support systems a mother could ask for for their child. She is surrounded by so many people who may not be blood but have provided her stronger "family" ties than I could have provided myself. Alexys lives with friends of mine that I met about ten years ago; Laura and Randy are perfect examples of what a strong relationship, marriage and support system looks like and wonderful examples to my daughter.

In addition, she has this guy and his family plus lots of dear cheer family friends. Tonight while talking to Alexys she told me that three years ago today was her second day of school, it was also the day that she met Jordan. Who knew that just one month later they would start to write the story of the rest of their lives....  Jordan's family is yet another amazing example of what love and family is all about. They have  been so amazing to my sweet girl from the start.

While I didn't plan on being a grandmother at age 35 I couldn't have asked for a better gift for 2017. Absolutely everything happens for a reason. Three years ago these two met and started their story and exactly five months from today they are starting their family.

I can't wait to see what story they write. I am so grateful to be Alexys' Mom and can't wait to be this little nuggets grammy! Before anyone asks, nope they aren't engaged and they are okay with that. In due time they will find the right time, moment and place to write their story their own way.

Tuesday, October 13, 2015


Had to post and share this. I found it today on my cousin Patti's Facebook and felt the need to share it. Now yes, I could have hit that wonderful "share" button but then I would have wanted to give my own two cents and decided what better place to do that than here!

Seriously - I am so over the drama, the ups and downs, highs and lows. It has been a rough year... maybe it's been a rough couple of years. The point is that I have been here before. I have hit rock bottom and built myself, my children and our lives back up from the ashes that they were. Sometimes I fall, get back up, walk into a wall and repeat.... but the point is that I always get back up!

Not spending my daughter's senior year of high school with her absolutely breaks my heart. I feel like I am missing out on all of the important milestones that are mine to share. Often I hear about what is going on in her life on Facebook rather than from her and it hurts, but it hurts because I feel like I am missing out on one of the most important years of her life. This is the year that she gets to struggle and excel, where she gets to dip her toes into being an adult and making decision on where she really wants to go to college, where she wants to work when she grows up, where and who she will be with for life after high school. I am blessed that when we moved to Oregon her and her boyfriend of 2 years connected and have been together sense. Which leads me to share these photos.
Just over a week ago they shared their two year anniversary and I have to say hands down that my daughter has the most amazing, kind and thoughtful man by her side. I can't count how many times we have had car troubles and Jordan and his dad are always there to rescue. The countless family adventures they have shared with Chandler and I and with Jordan's family too. The lunches he's taken her to school or the dinners he drops by the gym because her work, school, cheer schedule can be tight and hectic. The moments when she is sick and he does something cute to brighten her day. On their anniversary he gave her the princess ring she has been begging for, just because and he gave her a promise ring engraved with both of their names. I am grateful I was there to see the start of their cute relationship, long talks, fights and all as every single moment is a treasured moment to me that my daughter opened up and shared the stresses, ups and downs of her own life, that piece that I didn't have to be a part of but she chose to invite me in and share. As hard as this year is for me I am grateful for the relationship that she and I built over the past few years and the strength and encouragements that we shared. These moments to me are all priceless which is why I struggle and at times simply am hurt and feeling left out. Reality is she's grown up and moved on and made choices I hoped I was there for and she's done it without me. I am so incredibly proud of the young woman that she has become, I am so blessed.

So with that, I have to remember to enjoy the moments I am let in but also need to remember that I am also blessed to have totally different moments with my son. Lucky kid almost gets me all to himself. I say almost because we don't yet have our own place and well don't get to stay under the same roof at night but I am blessed to have the opportunity to go and pick him up every morning, to have absolutely random chats with him that sometimes just come out of the middle of no where. I am been working on teaching him to drive and on weekends we either go on hikes or cuddle and watch movies.
Seriously, how luck am I to have this amazing kid? This past week my health wasn't well and he was always there to pick me up and remind me that it's going to get better. He insisted on going with to my doctors and is REALLY GREAT at taking care of his mom. Now is his time to shine, now life is all about him; his wants, dreams and goals. I am so proud of how well he has adjusted to being back in Utah, a new high school, crazy living situations, and he always has a smile. Every single Sunday he's up and ready for church, he's as involved (as much as out schedule allows) in an amazing youth group and is so committed to helping others and following a path that he finds pleasing. Sunday's after church we chat on and on about our services and what we took from them, we share Bible verses and have some of the most meaningful conversations on our drives home, these moments too are priceless.  I really am the luckiest mom ever.

We've fallen down and some days I am not sure how we are going to get back up or what we are going to do or really where our future is but I know that everything happens for a reason and well maybe we had to fall to build up a new and different life designed for the two of us. Often I have to remind myself that I can only have the life of the attitude I chose... and honestly I have to chose to be positive, to surround myself with positive people and pray for a positive outcome.

Life is far to short to be unhappy, I simply pray for a life of positively, love, and laughter, sure I am going to have my moments, I'll have a rough day but what matter is what I do with it! This is my life and I want to live it the best way possible. :)

On that note, Chandler and I are excited to be looking for a new place. Come hell or high water or finances to be we've talked about it, prayed about it and we are determined that over the next 2-3 weeks if there is a will there is a way. We are going to be under one roof and a family everyday, we are going to of course find a place that accommodates Chandler's high school boundaries, move, get settled and work on our list of important things to accomplish to make us happy. What better way to live life? I'm not doing any of this life or adult stuff perfectly but last time I checked I must have and be doing something right cause I have some pretty awesome kids!

Night All


Saturday, October 3, 2015



Change is always challenging for anyone; everyone deals with it in different ways. I like to view change as a way to learn and grow from life experiences. This time though... change has been rough.

Sometimes you have to fall to be able to brush yourself off and get back up. I really feel like I just keep on falling and getting back up and doing the same old things over and over again. Do you know what that means? I am INSANE! LOL Doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. Yep, I am insane. Totally insane about my children!

It's been a rough couple of years but with the challenges I have had so much good over the past few years too. I was born and raised right here in Utah and really thought that I would never leave home. In 2011 I  challenged myself and my family to do exactly that. It was so rough being so far away from home but had I not gone I would have never met the amazing people that I did and I would have never had the experiences that I have had and they are all priceless. I had the opportunity to be a stay at home mom and attend all of my children's school functions. I had a chance to simply be a mom, to focus on myself and my health. The volunteering opportunities, soccer and football game and practices I was able to watch. All of the cheering, tumbling and trips to the doctor, ER and chiropractor started. My children really had the opportunities to think outside of the box and experience new people, new cultures, new friends. With all of the good and the amazing things we experiences we also had our challenges. We left our life in Arizona to come back home to Utah as I was going through a divorce and discovering a new way of life.

We had our very eight or nine months in Utah and decided to go off to Oregon for another chance.... another life.... more experiences. My children have always been my priority but I've always struggled to juggle my relationship and my children. When we moved to Oregon the decision I made was to always put my children before myself. My new goal in life was to not waste another precious minute of my children's childhood's on me and for this.... I am so grateful. I made my children my world, now this wasn't the best for my personal or social life but it didn't matter, my children were happy, they were chasing their dreams and goals, we were traveling everywhere together. I realized that I had spent so many years saying "I'm going to travel when my kids grow up" when I finally realized that I was missing out on so much waiting for my children to grow up! We seized the moments that we had. Cheer competitions became out world because that was my daughter's dream and my son simply wanted to support his sister and see his mom happy. Oregon became our home and cheer became our family. If only we could live in our dreams.

Oregon too came with it's own set of challenges for our family. Cheer, travel and life simply became expensive and unfortunately not all of my career dreams were coming true. I gave up an amazing job for an equally amazing opportunity which of course a few months later ended and our perfect little life became compromised. Honestly, I feel like a failure. I feel that I let my children down. But I simply wasn't able to financially support them as I once did and career options just weren't happening like I needed them to. After two years of my dad trying to talk us into moving back, finally I said great, how soon can you help me get back? Now don't think I didn't go down without a fight. I fell and got back up again, tried several temp jobs, applied to every job that I possibly could and sold everything of value to try to keep my family in Oregon, to keep my family together. It wasn't an easy fight and there were a whole hell of a lot of tears, heartache, difficult decisions and bumps in the road. But ultimately I knew that I had to do what was best for my children. No mother should have to go through the pain of having to make gut wrenching decisions on which child to choose, which life to choose, which child's dreams come true and who's get shattered. My families lives were simply turned upside-down.

I really truly have two of the most amazing, intelligent, gifted, loving children in the world. They both go out of their way to help others before taking care of themselves. (I totally don't know where they get that from!) Each of my children had totally different goals, hopes and dreams; both wanted to be in different states for different reasons all while my entire world figuratively and financially was falling apart. My youngest child felt it was really important to go back home, he wanted to be in Utah, he wanted to be surrounded by family, he wanted male role-models, he wanted to go to the only church he has ever had a connection with and attend youth groups with like minded kids. Whereas my daughter was starting her senior year, cheering, working, planning her future in Oregon. Here I was stuck in the middle of these two amazing kids and forced to make decisions and change.

Still today two months after moving back to Utah I'm struggling daily to pick myself up off of the ground. Calling, texting, snap chatting, my daughter as often as I can and simply trying to stay relevant in her busy schedule and life while driving in circles and being crowded on the weekends trying to spend time in my son's life. Often I find myself questioning how in the hell did I get here?

Some say change is good. Right now, all I can say is change hurts. 

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

What Does Your Name Mean?

I've been away for a while.... I suck..... I know.

I'll talk about that another time possibly......

Today I was told that my name Tasha meant bag in German. Anyhow I wasn't able to find that anywhere online.... but what did I find instead?


What Does Name "Tasha" Mean

You like to control everyone within your influence, to shape things to your own liking. If positive, you develop high spirituality, as you have a God's protection. You are sensitive, affectionate, imaginative and cooperative, spiritually aware and prone to self-sacrifice. You can keep secrets and are a good diplomat. You may have healing and psychic powers. You are bold, independent, inquisitive and interested in research. You know what you want and why you want it.

Dependable, very down-to-earth and well grounded, you are always looking for meaningful work, a career where you can take pride in your work and do the best job you are capable of. Your prime desire is to build protected and secure environment at home and at work. You can be very persuasive in achieving goals and gaining objectives. You can be very detailed and well-organized and possess great organizational skills. At times you may appear too stubborn and overly critical to others, but your practical approach to life and productivity makes you one of the most beneficent members of community.

I found this very interesting and insightful today. Not that any words I read online will change the course of my path, action or my reality but I do think that this very much describes me in a way I could never really put into words. If you put your name in what does it say about you?

Tasha Brooks

Monday, September 8, 2014

Chandler's Birthday

So I am totally just trying to get caught up. 

All Chandler wanted for his birthday was for his dad to come in town and for us to have a family day. Surprise! Wish Granted! He got an entire weekend of family and birthday fun!!!

Chandler woke up to decorations everywhere! 
His bedroom door! Even balloons all over the floor!! 
 Confetti (BTW - still finding it in the oddest places)
 Good Morning - Balloons and Dad! 

 "I don't want my picture taken"
 Chandler opening his new laptop, birthday present from MOM.

We had a fun filled day that started with Mom  (me) making pancakes for breakfast. 
Followed by a trip to John's Incredible Pizza for family arcade time and pizza for lunch. 
Laser Tag at Laserport!
Then home for Green Salad, Rib-eye Steaks, Parmesan Corn on the Cob for dinner.

 Selfies with his sister!
Karaoke and Lights 
 Silly pics
 and don't forget the birthday cake!!
 Here he is telling me to hold on....
because he wanted to video me videoing him.  
Blowing out the candles 
 still attached to his phone
 HAPPY 15th BIRTHDAY to this goofball!
 We had cake and played Cards Against Humanity

Family Cake Fun!!! 

 Father Son Laugh
Look I actually got a good one of them! 

Chandler had an amazing 15th Birthday. The following day Paul took him to the Hillsboro HOPS Baseball Game while Alexys and I worked it. They had a great time watching the HOPS WIN!

This was a birthday that I think we will all remember - such a great time. 

Paul's Birthday

So I am horrible again and waited FOREVER to post! Work, Cheer, Two Teenagers... enough said??

August 16th was Paul's Birthday - I drove up to Seattle to spend it with him. I had a great time!! SO glad that he and I have been able to remain Best Friends. :)

 One of many stops...
 Getting the party started...
 This is one of the coolest buildings. 

 Paul decided we should be BIG Kids and so we took off to the arcade! So much fun!!!
 Beautiful Sunset from Paul's Apartment

 Paul and the sunset
 Me and the sunset
 We had way too much fun!

 The next day we hung out and walked the pier. This was one of the cruise shift being loaded. 
Jelly Fishy