Fun Weekend

It amazes me how quickly time flies by. It really seems like just yesterday the kids were starting preschool and kindergarten and now they are in seventh and ninth grade. I am so bless to have two wonderful and amazing children, their quirks brighten my days.

Saturday, Chandler decided he wanted to stay home and play XBox with his Arizona friends online while Alexys and I went to a craft boutique; poor kiddo doesn't like to do the girly things with his mom and sister. So Alexys and I went to Heartfelt Wall Hangings in West Jordan; we lucked out and there was enough space in the classroom that we were both able to pick out a craft project and each of us were able to do the cute free project. We had lots of fun picking out the colors we would paint our blocks and deciding which ribbon to add and how much glitter was enough or borderline too much. Really it was great! Of course I had a highlight moment - the gals that were coming in to do a project as we were leaving were talking and Alexys made a "MOM" comment and one gal looked over and said "She isn't your daughter? You look way too young to have a daughter her age." I just smiled and said, yep she sure is mine, she's fifteen and yes I am too young to have a teenage daughter. Totally made my day, the group of gals went on how they thought we were friends or sisters, so of course I had a "I'm feeling young" moment.

Alexys' Be Mine Craft

Her Cute Heart Project with a HUGE Bow!

Anyhow we finished off our afternoon by picking up her friend Kiana for a sleepover. Since went home and were all bored out of our minds we decided to do a family Walmart trip. Most people who know Alexys also know that it doesn't matter how big or small the shopping cart is or how tall Alexys is she is going to totally fit into that cart and have me push her around. (I just look at it as an extra weight to the cart I am pushing around helps with exercise, right? LOL) Anyhow here is a picture of Alexys and Kiana both fitting into the cart. - Oh and Chandler went with but took off and left us girls to go look at the magazines and games.Lil Booger!

After our Walmart adventure, the girls took off to do facials and paint nails while Chandler and I had some Mom and Son time watching movies together. We totally both fell asleep on the couch - ICK! But it was a great time.

Sunday we took Kiana home and on our way back home since we live in the boonies I decided it was time to teach Alexys to drive "Red" which is our name for the Ford. Now, Alexys went driving three or four times with me in Arizona but we went in the Chevy which was diesel and bigger and well it just didn't have as much pick up and go - and we drove around the dry school parking lot when no one was there. She has always been super responsible and cautious when it comes to driving, it actually is kind of cute how she gets nervous and freaks out just a little big. Anyhow, so we were about two miles from our house when I pulled off the road and told her it was her turn to drive. She was totally nervous because she had never driven the Ford or on wet roads, or half circles or roundabouts, LOL. But she has really been studying for her permit and constantly reminds me when I am making an illegal traffic violation, so I decided it was time to give her a try. She did AMAZING, I am so proud of her! She drove slightly under the 35 mph speed limit, was perfect around the roundabout, hugged the right side of the road but all in all did really well. I totally had to tease her about her left hand turns though.... both times she nearly stopped in the middle of the road to make her left hand turn but in her defense she had never really driven with other cars on the road so making a left with a car sitting there watching on wet road, she did great! Scary to think she will be driving by the end of the year. Growing up so fast.

The rest of our Sunday was peaceful and quiet. We all were good and completed our weekend homework assignments (Alexys had a research paper and I had several assignments I postponed for fun) then treated ourselves to watching a couple of family movies. I love Sunday afternoons when we all just spend time hanging out together, no arguing for fighting, just good old fashion bonding time. Bliss.

This morning, I was sad our weekend was over.... I love the quality bonding time with the kids, I love window shopping at Walmart pushing the girls around, dancing and having fun. I really do love being a mom, my children are the two most amazing blessings ever. I am so grateful that I get to watch them learn and grow and I can totally admit that even they are able to teach me a thing or two.

Simply Blessed

Hard Days

It's been one of those weeks. The last few days have been ever so emotional.

Everyone said that when our divorce was over it would be easier.... 
I am sure at some point it may get easier but I wouldn't say that getting those final papers made anything easier for me. After I received the email with the attached papers, I sat there on my couch simply shocked. I then attempted to find things to do around the house, sat down and tried to read my assignments... I couldn't concentrate. 

The reality is that I don't feel better at all. I feel lost and alone. After four months of separation you would think I would be used to having the whole bed to myself, but I'm not. Attending gatherings with friends or church, I feel like someone is missing. There is a hole, a great big hole with out him there. 

The most emotional reality this week for me was: I am no longer someone's wife. I no longer have a husband. So many people say that it is just a piece of paper but it's not, it is so much more. I feel like I lost a piece of myself, I lost my title of Mrs and Wife. To some this may be petty but to me just like being a mother, I felt like I worked hard to be a good wife too. Single - that is such a big, ugly word. It means I am starting all over - AGAIN! Now that the divorce is over, it is not easier, life is not better. We miss him. We miss our lives.

With that said, yesterday we also sold our Arizona house. So bitter sweet. It was what we needed to do but it makes me sad that we no longer have that home. A house we struggled to make into a home because it was so different to us, a house that we eventually become to love as much as the state that we became to love and call home. 

Lots of change - I have to remember that at times change is good - Change allows us the opportunity to learn and grow from our past and redefine our futures. I am sure we have many more hard days ahead of us.  I think I will end on that note.

Amazing Day

Today I had the most amazing day with the kids. We went to Bella's Birthday party; I totally rocked bowling with lots of gutter balls. 

We finished our day with a retirement party. My friend Claire's husband David Santiago retired from the military after 20 years of service in the Marines and Army. 

Claire planned an amazing retirement party with amazing food, entertainment and dancing. It was really great to be able to simply enjoy the company of great friends, Thanks Denise and Johnny for keeping me company. I do have to say as I saw all of the couples dancing together or father's dancing with their daughter's it did really make me miss my married life. It's hard when you feel like someone is missing. With that said, I do have to say this is the first time in months that I have seen both of my children absolutely carefree and happy. Alexys and Chandler were both amazing on the dance floor, Alexys helped with all of the younger girls while Chandler was having a blast showing off his moves and making sure the younger girls always had someone out there on the dance floor with them. 

 Chandler busting a move.

 Alexys dancing with the younger girls.

A bunch of the kids dancing.

Evenings like this make me a proud and happy mother. David thank you for your 20 years of service. Claire thank you for your friendship and for supporting your husband in protecting our nation. I am so blessed to have such amazing friends and even more amazing children. 

~Everything So Happens For A Reason~

Interview

Yesterday I had an interview, it was kind of off the wall - so I totally had to share. But because I don't want to rag on a specific company I will call it Company X. 

So I had an interview at Company X and was kind of excited because the job location was super close to home. When I arrived and walked in the door the odor was horrible; come to find out they deal with waste. I walk in and introduce myself to be met with a cat. For those of you who don't know already, I am totally highly allergic to cats! I completed the paperwork and basic math skills test as requested and start interviewing. The "Lady" at Company X started out with no cell phones, EVER, inside the office. It's a simply rule, no biggie right? Then she proceeded to tell me that with the minimal which is about $5 an hour less than what I was last making that they also only have 10 employees and that there is no time off, no health insurance options, actually no benefits, ever. Because the person would be the only person in the office that it would also be unacceptable to take time off for children's school activities or doctor appointments as needed. Least to say, what she was saying is that she really needs to hire someone who has no need for benefits, will run a business for the owner for almost free, that has no children and will happily live in the rancid office with a couple of cats. Towards the end of the interview "Lady" asked me if I was okay, I explained I was fine however she said I looked upset or like I was going to cry. Finally I realized that since the cats were hanging around the office and walking all over the desk near me that my eyes had begun to puff and were swollen, making it appear that I was about to cry. I thanked her for her concern and explained that I really was just fine but super allergic to the cats, her response was oh, well if you can accept the $5 an hour less in pay and work with the cats in the office to let her know. 

Least to say, I will not be working for Company X. LOL It was a really good opportunity to practice my interviewing skills though. Everything happens for a reason - I received several emails and a couple of phone calls to line up interviews for next week. I am excited to see what the future holds for me. Kids, school and finding work..... it's great finding our new normal. 

Happy Friday - Have a great weekend.

Having Faith

Sometime you totally just have to have faith....

A friend of mine posted this on Facebook. Today I decided it totally applied and I felt that I needed to share and post.

Alexys started school Tuesday. She has had a difficult time transitioning, my heart aches for her because she misses Arizona, her friends and her school so much. On the other hand, Chandler is thriving at school and has transitioned well. He is making new friends at school and adapting to life here, not that he doesn't miss Arizona life but he is handling the changes pretty well.

As for me, the challenges with the children have been hard but I am making it through day by day and sometimes moment by moment. Finally I have had a minor break through on the job hunting end of things! Who knows how many resumes I have sent out or online applications I have completed but today it totally paid off; I received three phone calls and have interviews lined up. School is crazy hectic for me but I am keeping up with it.

After taking the last year and a half off of work the idea of getting back into the working world was something I was half looking forward to and half dreading. It has been amazing to experience being a stay at home mother and a full time student. Being a full time homemaker was far more difficult than I could have ever imaged it would be. I easily filled my time volunteering with the kids activities, being carpool mom, and running errands, I often found myself wondering how I ever made time to do all of those things when I worked. I now have a very high respect for stay at home parents, it really is a full time job in itself!

I know that while continuing to be a full time student - silly me signed up for 18 credit hours this semester - it will be good for me to get back into the working world. I am excited to get my independence back and see what new adventures are to come.

*Everything Happens For A Reason *

Humbling Weekend

This weekend was humbling. 

The kids and I had the opportunity to worship with The Journey Church on Saturday. It was so good to see some familiar faces and worship with a great group of people. The message for service was "Time to Change", those of you how know me well know that our family is going through a lot of change and it has been extremely difficult and challenging on myself and the kids. However, that night I was able to see a new perspective that I had not yet thought of and that is that instead of being down because I am broken ... I need to allow God to fill me up! As hard as it has been it was so important to me that I was reminded that even though at times I feel so very alone that I am not, that He is with me, by my side and guiding me through my days. It is amazing when I stop attempting to control what is going on and when I give it to God that he simply provides. My needs are met, my children are healthy, we have a roof over our heads and our food in our stomachs and we are surrounded by loving people when we allow Him to guide us and let those people in. We are so blessed. 

                                                       AMEN to this!

Today we were invited to worship with some friends at a City Church in Sandy, UT. First off it is located in the heart of my childhood stomping grounds. It was cool to drive through Sandy and see the changes. Sandy Mall is now Sandy Village, and where the Albertson's and Fred Meyers used to be they have torn down and begun to rebuild. So it was neat to see the changes. City Church is located in the (super old according to my children) dollar theater, next to the current Movie 9. It was amazing to see what the people of City Church were able to do with an old run down theater and how they were able to make the space meet their needs to worship and serve God. When we arrived the people there were so kind and friendly, (No, not all churches are this way). The worship team was absolutely AMAZING!! (Even though I pointed out to Claire today that when they started it reminded me of the old Disney Sing-A-Longs, LOL - Just because these people are so animated while praising and worshiping God). The message today was about Seasons and the pastor was really able to get the message across without the kids falling asleep. For me, the highlight of City Church was mine and the kids drive home when we were all alone and I asked them what they thought. Chandler said that the song worship didn't seem never ending and he actually understood the message. Alexys said that she also enjoyed it and really wants to go back. I have been trying to talk these two into experiencing something new instead of sticking to what we did the last time we lived here.... today I was grateful we did. The kids are excited about church again, they are excited about God! I am just thankful that we have found a place where the kids are excited to go and I won't have to drag them out of bed to get to church on time.

In all, I was reminded that it is okay to be broken. I was reminded that I need to embrace my brokenness and allow God to lift me up and trust in Him that when He see's fit that everything will work out the way he has planned for me.I am excited to start a new week in such good spirits and knowing that God's got it if I allow him. 

God Bless

Today

I often find myself alone with my thoughts, at times they are overwhelming. I question if I made the right decisions. I worry that moving back to Utah was the wrong one for myself and my children. 

I genuinely attempt to be an optimistic and positive person, sometimes to a fault. I saw this photo posted by a friend in Arizona today and it really hit home. As hard as it is to close the door on the past, the what if's, and what could have been, Today I have to start fresh, Today I have to go forward. Not just for me but for my children. I have to focus on what will be instead of what could have been. 

Now, if you truly know me... you will know that this will be a difficult step to take. So many people have made the same comments, "You are so strong" or "You are handling this so well" or "You are so positive". Let's be honest here and now. I where my heart on my sleeve however lock my feelings up tight where most are unable to see them. Often times I want to crawl into a corner and cry, but reality is I can't. I have two children who are both going through lots of emotions and anger so I get to suck it up and be there for my children. 

I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but what I do know is that it is time to take a deep breath and step into a new life. We will see. 

 Another fitting photo saying. Here is to the beginning of the rest of my life.